I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
