Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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