oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
