mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
