I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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