Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
