Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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