Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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