The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
