if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
