We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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