I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
