i just had sex bonerless
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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