Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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