it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
