i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
