dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
