jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just made my gag reflex go away.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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