omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize