the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
