yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
