I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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