sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
