I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
