he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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