okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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