I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
