do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
