Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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