Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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