My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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