A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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