Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
