You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
