also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
