can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
