Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
