Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
