Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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