dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize