Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize