And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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