sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
