It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
