you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
