i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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