if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
