Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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