She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
