i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
