I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
