none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
