My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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