you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
