I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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