You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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