new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
