every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
