New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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