Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
