I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
