I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
