You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
