Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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