Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
