Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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