You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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