im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
