I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
