At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This toilet bowl is my home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
